Why is Age Important?

Photo by Yan Krukau

This is a repost from Nov 7, 2016

Why do we have ages? What difference does age make? Obviously time does pass and we do change with “age,” yet what is age really? And how does it affect the way we interact with each other?

I was having a conversation with the judge of a writing contest this week and they were commenting that knowing the age of those who submitted stories is interesting because a piece that might seem average if it were written by an adult, could be very impressive if it were written instead by a ten-year-old.

Why is this? Why does the status we give or the perspective we have of things or people often change in relation to age?

Age is something God created. Why? I believe in part so that we might understand what it means to mature, to grow in something, to become more of something. Because, if we did not mature physically, intellectually, and emotionally, perhaps we would not understand what it means to grow and mature spiritually.

“And He Himself gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, and some pastors and teachers, for the equipping of the saints for the work of ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ, till we all come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of…to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ; that we should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting, but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ—from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by what every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share, causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love.” ~Ephesians 4:11-16~

Clearly there is a distinction made when it comes to ages, but let us recognize, as God does, that each age has strengths.

“I have written to you, fathers, because you have known Him who is from the beginning. I have written to you, young men, because you are strong, and the word of God abides in you, and you have overcome the wicked one.” ~1John 2:14~

“Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained in the way of righteousness.” ~Proverbs 16:31~

“The glory of young men is their strength…” ~Proverbs 20:29~

“But Jesus…said, “Let the little children come to me…for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” ~Luke 18:16-17~

Many of us know this verse in Timothy.

“Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.” ~1Timothy 4:12~

I would encourage us to also consider this verse in reverse as well. Not just as the younger person but as an older person: Don’t look down on anyone because they are young, but set an example for them in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.

Even a brief look at Scripture will show that young people did a lot of things in the Bible.

“…the young men who had done the spying…” ~Joshua 6:23~

“Jonathan said to his young armor-bearer, “Come, let’s go over to the outpost… Perhaps the LORD will act in our behalf. Nothing can hinder the LORD from saving, whether by many or by few.” ~1 Samuel 14:6~

“David again brought together all the able young men of Israel—thirty thousand.” ~2 Samual 6:1~

“Then the king ordered Ashpenaz…to bring into the king’s service some of the Israelites…young men…showing aptitude for every kind of learning, well informed, quick to understand, and qualified to serve in the king’s palace….Among those who were chosen were some from Judah: Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah.” ~Daniel 1:3-6~

“Joseph was thirty years old when he entered the service of Pharaoh king of Egypt…” (Which means: Joseph was in his twenties when he was running Potiphar’s house.) ~Genesis 41:46~

“David was thirty years old when he became king, and he reigned forty years.” (Which means all the other stuff David did before becoming king, he did as a child, teenager, and a twenty something.) ~2 Samuel 5:4~

And, of course, we know that older people did many things in Scripture as well.

“And Noah was five hundred years old, and Noah begot Shem, Ham, and Japheth…. And God said to Noah, “The end of all flesh has come before Me, for the earth is filled with violence through them; and behold, I will destroy them with the earth. Make yourself an ark…” ~Genesis 5:32 & 6:13-14~

“Moses was eighty years old and Aaron eighty-three when they spoke to Pharaoh.” ~Exodus 7:7~

Job must have been middle-aged because this is what he says:

“The young men saw me and hid, and the aged arose and stood” ~Job 29:8~

Then there is also Caleb

“…here I am this day, eighty-five years old…just as my strength was then, so now is my strength for war, both for going out and for coming in. Now therefore, give me this mountain…” ~Joshua 14:10-12~

“Caleb drove out the three sons of Anak…”~ Joshua 15:14~

Challenge: Regardless of your age, be mature and set an example for both young and old in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in purity. (1Ti 4:12)

Punishment is Different From Evil

Photo by cottonbro studio

In my Bible study recently I’ve been reading the minor prophets, and while reading Jeremiah I was thinking about the blog post that I wrote in 2018 talking about God’s punishment being different from evil.

 Many people struggle with what they see as the difference between the God of the Old Testament and the God of the New Testament. But I think this is because they’re not seeing the situation as it truly was and truly is. 

Here is a good example of what was happening in the nations of the Old Testament: 

“And like their bow they have bent their tongues for lies. They are not valiant for the truth on the earth. For they proceed from evil to evil, and they do not know Me,” says the LORD. “Everyone take heed to his neighbor, and do not trust any brother; for every brother will utterly supplant, and every neighbor will walk with slanderers. Everyone will deceive his neighbor, and will not speak the truth; they have taught their tongue to speak lies; they weary themselves to commit iniquity. Your dwelling place is in the midst of deceit; through deceit they refuse to know Me,” says the LORD.
Therefore thus says the LORD of hosts: “Behold, I will refine them and try them; for how shall I deal with the daughter of My people? Their tongue is an arrow shot out; it speaks deceit; one speaks peaceably to his neighbor with his mouth, but in his heart he lies in wait. Shall I not punish them for these things?” says the LORD. “Shall I not avenge Myself on such a nation as this?” ~Jeremiah 9:3-9~

(Note: Below is a repost from Nov 19, 2018)

What happens when evil goes unchecked and is allowed to grow?

A small child throwing a horrible tantrum in a store because they aren’t being allowed to take home a toy that they wanted is disturbing and can be destructive (actually selfish and evil), but because that child is still small those around that child still have the ability to curb that behavior, resist that child, and even forcibly remove that child if necessary. 

But what happens when evil remains unstopped and becomes so powerful that people can no longer stop it?

Let’s picture that same child now all grown up and the leader of an extremely powerful nation who decided he wants the land and recourses of a neighboring nation. Who is going to stop that powerful leader?

We often perceive God’s instructions to the nation of Israel as if God is telling them to go take their neighbors’ land and wipe them out, but really what is happening here is that God is using the nation of Israel like a police force, who is coming in and restoring law and order to the land because the nations in that land are those who are engaging in unchecked evil. God uses Israel to punish those nations and bring back law and order.

When Israel as the police force begins to be corrupted by the neighboring nations they haven’t punished as God asked them to and instead joining with those nations in doing evil, God cleans His own house until law and order is restored there as well. 

Without law and order there is chaos and evil. The innocent and guilty are both harmed.  

I think we would all say that really we would prefer to live in a society where there is law and order rather than in a place where anything goes. If there were no police to call, nor court to issue judgement, and no punishment to enforce it, what would our world look like?

God brings punishment on evil, and whether we’re willing to acknowledge it or not this is something we all need and really all want.

The God of the Old Testament who stood against evil and taught and required obedience to what is good and right, is the same God who sent is Son to ultimately stand against evil, who taught what was right, and who provided a way for us to meet the requirements of obedience to what is good. 

God didn’t change. He simply completed in the New Testament the judgement necessary to fully and ultimately destroy the evil that we see Him fighting against in the Old Testament.

Evil unchecked is horrible harming all in its path and only growing worse as it goes. We need someone more powerful than evil to stand against it and destroy it, and God did that.

 “And you, being dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, He has made alive together with Him, having forgiven you all trespasses, having wiped out the handwriting of requirements that was against us, which was contrary to us. And He has taken it out of the way, having nailed it to the cross. Having disarmed principalities and powers, He made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them in it.” ~Colossians 2:13~

Challenge: We need to pause and realize that we should not be judging the judgment until we actually understand the crime. God’s judgement is always righteous and never evil.

See also: Saved From What?

When the Going Gets Tough

Photo by Liza Summer

I wanted to share anew this post with you all that I originally wrote and published in May 22, 2017.

A couple of weeks ago I found myself quoting the English expression, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” Then I paused and thought, “But what if someone isn’t one of the tough, then what?”

If we’re not one of the tough, does that mean we’ll just get left behind? Do we have to be tough to make it?

Interestingly enough, there are a lot of very impressive Christian figures who did incredible things within impossible circumstances. We might be tempted to list them as some of those people who when the going got tough they were the tough that got going, but actually that’s not what the Bible says about them in Hebrews. Rather, it says something quite the opposite.

“And what more shall I say? For the time would fail me to tell of Gideon and Barak and Samson and Jephthah, also of David and Samuel and the prophets: who through faith subdued kingdoms, worked righteousness, obtained promises, stopped the mouths of lions, quenched the violence of fire, escaped the edge of the sword, out of weakness were made strong, became valiant in battle, turned to flight the armies of the aliens. ~Hebrews 11:32-34~

If they were weak then how were they made strong?

“And He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” ~2 Corinthians 12:9-10~

We don’t have to be tough to make it through the tough times. Rather we need to look to Him who is our strength to be strength on our behalf.

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” ~Philippians 4:13~

Challenge: Don’t give up because you’re not tough. Rather, have faith in He who is!

Finding the Truth for Every Lie

This is a repost from August 19, 2020, but it’s a good reminder that I needed this week and maybe one you need too. : ) 

Have you ever found that when you’re in a low place, there are lies that suddenly start showing up in your mind and heart? Have you ever found yourself accepting those lies about yourself, your life, and your future? 

I know. It’s easy to unintentionally buy into these lies, especially because Satan is very good at picking the ones that he knows will stick with us and to us. 

The thing is, though, it’s not a new strategy. Satan has been doing this since the beginning of time. He is skilled at it, which means we struggle a times to even recognize that what is coming at us is even from him. Often when these lies bounce into our hearts and minds, we’re tempted to accept them (particularly when we haven’t been filling ourselves up with the truth), but Satan’s words are lies, and we need to be able to spot them as such.

 “ . . . [The devil] does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own resources, for he is a liar and the father of it.” ~John 8:44~

Believing a lie is an easy trap to fall into, which is why it’s one of Satan’s best strategies against us. Even when we recognize that what we’re hearing is coming from Satan and not God, the words can still sound convincing, and if all we do is tell ourselves that they aren’t true, we’re still focused on the lie. So, what’s the solution to resisting Satan’s lies?

 “Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.” ~James 4:7~

The solution to combating the lies is not just resistance. The full solution is submission to God and resistance. Which means, to combat Satan’s lies we need to be identifying and applying God’s truth to ourselves and to others!

 “And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” ~John 8:32~

“Therefore, putting away lying, ‘Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,’ for we are members of one another.” ~Ephesians 4:25~

We need to not just tell ourselves that what we’re hearing is a lie; we need to also go after the truth of what God says about Himself and about us. Then we need to preach to ourselves and others that truth to counter Satan’s lies.

We need to live IN the Truth as well as live OUT the Truth.

Challenge: The next time you start hearing those words of deception and depression, run to the truth of who God is and who you are in Him, and use that truth to defeat the lies.

No Regrets: Facing Darkness and Not Becoming It

Photo by David Peinado

If you are like me and a strong justice personality, then you know that one of the hardest parts of navigating darkness is dealing with the anger that arrises toward someone whose sin of using and abusing people seems to bring no actual consequences, results in their apparent success, and appears to allow them to have the upper hand in many situations. The fact that their sin can and does at times, in an earthly sense, seem to result in them prospering in their actions and endeavors, is not an easy reality to accept. The injustice of it can be infuriating. In such situations it can be so easy to want to respond in kind and use their own tactics against them.

Have you ever felt like this? Have you ever wanted so badly to make that person experience exactly what they have or are currently doing to someone else?

The feeling of wanting to enact vengeance on someone for their sinful behavior is common. In fact, to feel angry because someone else’s actions have caused harm and injustice is quite reasonable. The issue and question is: What do you do when you feel that anger?

Especially in prolonged seasons of dealing with the fallout of someone else’s sin—seasons in which light feels absent, the unknowns feel endless, and the ability to break free of the injustices feels nonexistent—answering the question of what to do with that anger becomes very needed. We naturally want to take back a feeling of control, and that can easily result in the increasing temptation to seek vengeance.

So what do we do? No doubt in the back of your mind you are also hearing the verse that pops into my mind the moment vengeance is mentioned.

“Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, ‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord.” ~Romans 12:19~

In the past, I’ve seen this verse being about God asking the person seeking vengeance to surrender the situation to Him, because it is God, not us, who can deliver true justice and because He provides an extension of grace toward the person in the wrong during which time they have the chance to repent. So, basically I always saw this verse in the context of justice and grace. However, recently, I’ve come to conclude something else of this verse.

It struck me this last week that the command to not avenge yourself is about God protecting the person who is wanting to take vengeance. Because as much as feeling angry over an injustice is reasonable and perhaps even justified, most actions taken in such a state will not be sinless.

In other words, even though “Do not avenge yourself” can feel like God denying us justice, God is not denying us justice at all. He is commanding us not to go and attempt vengeance ourselves, because not only would it likely not be justice but it would most likely also result in us doing something dark ourselves—something sinful and/or illegal. Therefore, God’s command for us to not take vengeance is actually a blessing toward us, because it protects us from taking actions in our anger that would result in us carrying guilt and regret.

“Beloved, do not avenge yourself”Don’t let the evil or pain someone else has caused you result in you doing evil in respond against them, let God handle them, for they too are His child and He will deal with them in righteousness and justice because God has declared, ‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay.’” Give God your anger, and allow Him to be the one to go after the person who is in the wrong. Because our LORD is the God of justice. (Romans 12:19, Psalms 103:6, Isaiah 30:18)

“…know that the LORD has set apart for Himself him who is godly; the LORD will hear when I call to Him. Be angry, and do not sin. Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still. Selah Offer the sacrifices of righteousness, and put your trust in the LORD. There are many who say, ‘Who will show us any good?’ LORD, lift up the light of Your countenance upon us. You have put gladness in my heart… I will both lie down in peace, and sleep; for You alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.” ~Psalm 4:3-8~

Challenge: When you feel like giving someone a taste of their own behavior, remember that you can be angry and not sin. Allow God to protect you by letting Him be the one to deal out vengeance. In this way, by offering a sacrifice of righteousness and putting your trust in the LORD, you can embrace the gladness He has put in your heart and you can lie down in peace and sleep.

How Do I Know That Jesus Cares?

Photo by Tima Miroshnichenko

While developing a novel, writers often use the structure of goal, conflict, and resolution. The reason for this is because this structure gives a natural progression of events. When there is a desire someone wishes to have happen, that is considered the goal. If there is something in the way of that goal being accomplished, that is the conflict. The additional action(s )required to overcome the conflict and bring about the goal, that is called the resolution. 

For example:

Goal: I want a drink of water and will do what is necessary to get a drink of water

Conflict: I am in the desert and the last place I know of that had water is a town six miles south of my current position. 

Resolution: Walks south for six miles and gets a drink of water.

The reason goal, conflict, and resolution is so helpful to writers when telling a story and for readers when evaluating a story is because asking “What is the goal?” “What is the conflict?” “What is the resolution?” helps remove all the noise of everything else happening in the story.

These questions don’t just apply to fiction, though. Fiction is a reflection of real life, therefore, these questions also works to help us find and stay focused on goals in other context as well. For instance, goal, conflict, and resolution, can also help us ask questions of Scripture. Let’s look at Jesus’s life and ask: What was Jesus’s goal while He was walking the earth?

Here’s one of Jesus’s stated goals:

“Do not think that I came to destroy the Law or the Prophets. I did not come to destroy but to fulfill.” ~Matthew 5:17~

Goal: Fulfill the Law and the Prophets.

Conflict: Satan’s temptations and every sinful suggestion the flesh offered Jesus had Him continually just one wrong choice away from breaking the law. He also had hundreds of prophecies to fulfill and had to fulfill each one while not violating any others in the process. 

Resolution: Jesus rejects Satan, never sins, and fulfills all the prophecies, including those like the two below about Him being a light to the Gentiles and bearing the people’s iniquities. 

“Indeed He says, ‘It is too small a thing that You should be My Servant to raise up the tribes of Jacob, and to restore the preserved ones of Israel; I will also give You as a light to the Gentiles, that You should be My salvation to the ends of the earth.’ ”~ Isaiah 49:6~

“He shall see the labor of His soul, and be satisfied. By His knowledge My righteous Servant shall justify many, for He shall bear their iniquities.” ~Isaiah 53:11~

Another of Jesus’s goals: 

“But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy and not sacrifice.’ For I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance.” ~Mat 9:13~

Goal: Call sinners to repentance

Conflict: The people who were sinners but considered themselves righteous didn’t want to hear a message of repentance, so they plotted to kill Jesus.

Resolution: Jesus spoke a message of salvation to the people in a way that they would hear it whether they wanted to or not. He did so by teaching with authority and then allowing Himself to be crucified by the people and raised from the dead by His Father.

“Now My soul is troubled, and what shall I say? ‘Father, save Me from this hour’? But for this purpose I came to this hour. ‘Father, glorify Your name.’ Then a voice came from heaven, saying, ‘I have both glorified it and will glorify it again.’” ~John 12:27-28~

Jesus had goals, the things He was here to do for us, but you know what also happens multiple times while He’s completing those goals? He steps beyond those goals and does even more, why? Because…

“And when Jesus went out He saw a great multitude; and He was moved with compassion for them, and healed their sick.” ~Matthew 14:14~ (Emphasis added)

In our own lives when we are sick, hurt, overwhelmed, etc., it can feel unkind, painful, and even maybe infuriating when it seems like Jesus doesn’t care enough to help us out of these situations. But in such moments we need to remember that He is full of compassion and that He did and is already fulfilling a mission of compassion on our behalf, and perhaps He will do more. But He has already done what completes the goal that matters above all else.

“This is a faithful saying and worthy of all acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners…” ~1 Timothy 1:15~

Surely He has borne our griefs snd carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed Him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement for our peace was upon Him, and by His stripes we are healed. …He was led as a lamb to the slaughter… And they made His grave with the wicked—but with the rich at His death, because He had done no violence, nor was any deceit in His mouth. ….He shall see the labor of His soul, and be satisfied…. because He poured out His soul unto death, and He was numbered with the transgressors, and He bore the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors.” ~Isaiah 53:4-12~

“Therefore He is also able to save to the uttermost those who come to God through Him, since He always lives to make intercession for them.” ~Hebrew 7:25~

Challenge: Hold onto the truth and knowledge that Jesus has compassion, and He did, is, and will continue to compassionately intercede for us.

Why Does God Allow Heat in Our Lives?

Photo by James Frid

I was recently researching medieval brick making, I know, kind of a strange subject to be studying. However, for those of you who read my novels, this line of research likely is not surprising to you, since you know that in my current action/adventure series, MARKED, I like to include details about medieval jobs. Learning about brick making of course led me to clay, which reminded me of all the Bible verses about us being like clay and God like the potter.

Job talks to God about being made and formed out of clay (Job 10:9, Job 33:6). And in Isaiah 29:15 the people think they can hide their actions from the LORD, and the LORD answers in verse 16, “Surely you have things turned around! Shall the potter be esteemed as the clay; for shall the thing made say of him who made it, ‘He did not make me’? or shall the thing formed say of him who formed it, ‘He has no understanding’?”  And in Isaiah 45:9 we read, “Woe to him who strives with his Maker! … Shall the clay say to him who forms it, ‘What are you making?’…” And in Isaiah 64:8 we read,  “But now, O LORD, You are our Father; we are the clay, and You our potter; and all we are the work of Your hand.”

Straight out of the ground clay it’s pretty messy stuff. It has lots of impurities and junk in it. Preparing clay to be useable is a lengthy process of wetting, straining, straining some more, adding the right other ingredients, and then partially drying it out again. Or there is a different process for preparing clay of grinding the clay, straining it, adding the other ingredients, and then wetting it for use. 

The lengthy process of preparing clay is such an interesting illustration of the work God must do in our lives before we are ready to actually be molded into the purposes and shapes He ultimately has for us. Lots of times we just want to go from being messy to being useful, but God often sets us first on a journey of purifying, straining, and then wetting again before He puts us to use. The junk and impurities in our lives are things we would often like to ignore, but those impurities would result in the clay not shaping correctly and not firing correctly. Preparing clay takes time. When we look at the Bible, there are people God sends off for a while before He brings them into important positions of leadership. This happens with Joseph, Moses, David, and the Apostle Paul, all of whom became strong leaders with lasting impact on the world. 

Which brings me to the part of brick making that struck me most. Clay in its original state isn’t actually strong or useful. It’s messy stuff that isn’t good for much of anything. Even once it’s been prepared for use and molded into a form like a cup, jar, or brick, it’s still pretty useless because it is fragile. In fact, all it takes is water or pressure for clay to disintegrate or get smashed out of shape. Clay is only strong once it has endured and survived the transformation of its form that takes place through extreme heat.

Do you know what color clay has to turn while being fired in a kiln (oven) before it becomes strong? The clay has to turn blood red. I knew clay had to be heated, but before doing research on brick making, I didn’t realize that in the heating, the clay actually had to become hot enough that it changed color like heated metal. With the right amount of heat the chemical composition of the clay is actually altered. If the brick survives the firing process and isn’t removed from the heat too soon, it is transformed from a fragile clay to a solid material that can be put to all kinds of uses.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t particularly like heat. I struggled to view the heat God allows in my life as a good thing. But placing heat in the context of myself as clay changes my perspective and makes me ask the questions: Am I embracing the heat that God brings into my life and letting God use it to change me into a strong, useful Christian? Or am I jumping out of the heat to avoid the pain of it, which leaves me fragile and in a large part useless as a Christian?

“The word which came to Jeremiah from the LORD, saying: ‘Arise and go down to the potter’s house, and there I will cause you to hear My words.’ Then I went down to the potter’s house, and there he was, making something at the wheel. And the vessel that he made of clay was marred in the hand of the potter; so he made it again into another vessel, as it seemed good to the potter to make. Then the word of the LORD came to me, saying: ‘O house of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter?’ says the LORD. ‘Look, as the clay is in the potter’s hand, so are you in My hand, O house of Israel!’” ~Jeremiah 18:1-6~

“…the solid foundation of God stands, having this seal: ‘The Lord knows those who are His,’ and, ‘Let everyone who names the name of Christ depart from iniquity.’ But in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay, some for honor and some for dishonor. Therefore if anyone cleanses himself from the latter, he will be a vessel for honor, sanctified and useful for the Master, prepared for every good work.” ~2Timothy 2:19~

Challenge: Trust the Potter and endure the heat He brings, because strength and purpose is found in the transformation that He as the Creator pre-designed for the clay. 

Sabbatical (Until Labor Day)

Hi, Everybody

I have a big project that requires my focus for the next couple of weeks. I am, therefore, taking a sabbatical from blogging. I pray that each of you are blessed in your own studies of Scripture this summer. I pray as well that you all will have the time to sit still and soak in the warmth of summer or the coolness of air-conditioning (depending on where you are from) and to know in your life God’s peace and presence.

Until Labor Day,

Given

Winning Friends While Not Compromising Your Christianity

Photo by Elijah O’Donnell

I’ve recently been reading Dale Carnegie’a book How to Win Friends and Influence People. There are many tools he suggests that have a lot of merit. He talks about how if you express genuine interest in someone else, smile, remember their name, and communicate their importance it goes a long way to building goodwill and a friendship. 

As someone who teaches communication, I would heartily agree that these are all excellent ways to express your regard for others and to gain friends. And I can think of a number of Biblical passages that would reflect this mindset.

“And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise.” ~Luke 6:31~

“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise uses knowledge rightly…” ~Proverbs 15:1-2~

“…Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion. Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men.” ~Romans 12:16-17~

It’s very important that we treat others well, are kind, are compassionate, speak with wisdom, use knowledge rightly, aren’t prideful, associate also with people in positions lower than our own, repay only good, and have regard for what is good. The problems arise in what we actually mean by these words.  

Dale Carnegie also says in his book that we should never complain or criticize other people. Generally speaking this is good advice. However, to say that someone should never complain or criticize someone else could be applied as the advice to never address with the person their faults or their need to change. From a secular mindset this silence could be seen as a selfless act of overlooking someone’s flaws. And obviously there are flaws we as Christians can and should overlook, but what about the behaviors that shouldn’t be overlooked? What about the behaviors that are harming other people or are hurting, whether they know it or not, the person who has the faults?

It is hard for us, but definitely possible for us, to address a person’s faults and the changes that they need to make in a way that is kind, caring, and compassionate. And perhaps this could be labeled “addressing the problem” rather than “criticizing the person.”  That would be quite different from us simply harping about what we don’t like about a person, which is more often than not how we do respond to such situations, rather than us actually trying to help the other person gain reconciliation and be a better person overall. 

In a similar sense, for some people “being kind” means never saying anything that upsets another person. But even good and needed truth can at times be upsetting. Does that mean it should never be said? No, we need truth to become better people.

For instance, one parent telling another parent that the way they are responding to one of their children isn’t particularly beneficial and then suggesting a better way they can respond to that child in the future, might be upsetting and feel critical. But is this information still needed and life giving? Yes, it is, because without it this parent will continue to alienate their child. 

The way we speak truth matters. We can definitely express truth in sinful ways and violate the principle of Luke 6:31. And in the same vain, we can also violate other Biblical principles if we buy the lies that we should never speak against someone’s choices or that we should never upset them by speaking truths they don’t want to hear.

As Christians we are to be carriers of the light of life.

“Then Jesus spoke to them again, saying, ‘I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.’” ~John 8:12~

That light is life and a good thing in people’s lives. And yet, that light is not always going to be liked or appreciated.

“…men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed.”~ John 3:19-20~

Those practicing evil are going to hate us for the light we bring. They will despise the truth and the condemnation that comes as a result of them rejecting God’s ways.

We aren’t supposed to make these people comfortable and happy with us. We’re not supposed to placate them in their evil, because if we do we’re joining them in their evil. Rather we are called to walk and speak in righteous and God-honoring ways and to expose the works of evil.

“…let us cast off the works of darkness, and let us put on the armor of light. Let us walk properly, as in the day, not in revelry and drunkenness, not in lewdness and lust, not in strife and envy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts.” ~Romans~ 13:12-14

“Therefore be imitators of God as dear children. And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma. But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. For this you know, that no fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not be partakers with them. For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness, righteousness, and truth), finding out what is acceptable to the Lord. And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them.”~Ephesians 5:1-11~

We are called to expose evil, and as to how we are to live and how we are to act, we are also to…

“If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” ~Romans 12:18~

We must also live out the life of light that is inside of us from Christ Jesus with the knowledge and acceptance of the reality of what Jesus says, that…

“…you will be hated by all for My name’s sake.” Matthew 10:22

Those in darkness hate being exposed by the light. Which means not that we should avoid bringing light, but rather that, when we express ourself and the character of God, we need to be intentionally living out and sharing with those stuck in darkness the principles and truth expressed in Ephesians.

“And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” ~Ephesians 4:32~

Challenge: Let us never forget that the goal of exposing darkness is not to harm but rather to show the person ensnared in that darkness that they too can be delivered from it. For…

“He has delivered us from the power of darkness and conveyed us into the kingdom of the Son of His love, in whom we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins.” ~Colossians 1:13-14~

(All scripture is taken from NKJV emphasis added)

How Are We Using Our Words?

I recently watched Butter (2022), a movie about a teenage boy trying to find his place in the world while struggling with obesity (Note: I am using this movie as an example, but I am not recommending this movie. It earned its PG-13 rate and has scenes that should be skipped). This movie and much of its content reminded me of my dear friend Lizzy. Many of the struggles that Marshall (a.k.a. Butter) faces in this movie were struggles Lizzy faced as well, like rejection, abuse, and bullying.

For those of you who are new to this blog you can find my posts about my dear friend Lizzy at “A Memorial to Lizzy” and “The Power of Friendship.” Lizzy passed away in 2021 from a gunshot wound (for a number of reasons, I’m still not convinced it was self-inflicted, but this was eventually the ruling due to the limited evidence of the case and Lizzy’s mental health history). For much of her life Lizzy struggled with her weight and with suicidal thoughts and self-harm.

When people see someone who is obese, they tend to only think of that individual as someone who lacks the discipline to eat less and exercise enough to loose weight. Few people actually pause to ask what might have caused them to become obese in the first place. I’m ashamed to say that I often don’t, even though knowing Lizzy should have taught me to do so.

More often than not people struggling with obesity aren’t doing so because they lack discipline but rather because other factors are stripping them of the ability to gain health in this area.

For example:

Some people are on medication or have other physical health issues that are actually causing them to gain weight and are also preventing them from losing the weight despite their best efforts.

For even more individuals, though, weight gain happens because they are dealing with deep, unhealed emotional pain. Emotional pain can be caused by all kinds of people and events, but I believe the two most common causes are when the person has been rejected by someone who should have cared about them and/or when they have been or are still being physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually abused by someone or a group.

“Unhealed” is the key word to this. And the problem is that typically even when people struggling with obesity are offered help, it isn’t for their emotional pain but rather for their outward symptoms/condition of obesity. Which, in many situations, this type of help serves only to reinforce the person’s feelings of rejection, because the implication is that they must first solve their weight before they have a right to find healing for their heart. Thus, it often just adds to their pain.

The other problem is that the more severe the person’s obesity is, the worse the comments are that some people make, and then the more guilt, shame, or hatred the obese person feels toward themselves. It becomes a destructive cycle of horrible words that leads to deep pain, and deep pain that leads to more weight, which leads to more horrible words.

Lizzy’s darkest moments and longest battles with suicidal thoughts and even suicide attempts all had to do with words other people spoke to her. Five seconds of interaction with someone who used their tongue recklessly, could lead to five hours of emotional spiral for Lizzy or even five days. And no matter how much time went by those words never went away completely. I watched again and again as people sliced open old and new wounds in her soul, and I hated it. I hated that they could hurt her so badly, and I hated that those same words then became weapons she would use on herself later.

When we see someone’s emotional or physical health issue, do we respond with words that offer hope and healing to their hearts, or words that suggest they must first solve their problems before we’ll care about them? Which approach is actually a true reflection of Christianity? Are we offering God’s light and life? Or are we speaking death?

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue…” ~Proverbs 18:21~

“…the tongue is a little member and boasts great things. See how great a forest a little fire kindles! And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell. …no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so.” ~ James 3:2~

In the movie Butter, I think there are several important elements to note when it comes to the use of words.

People’s thoughtless, unkind, and downright hurtful comments became loud words of death in Marshall’s life. In fact, they create such a drowning refrain that he isn’t able to hear past them to words of life offered by those people, like his music teacher, who are speaking good into his life. Words of death and darkness can be broken by God’s light. We need deliverance from the darkness  (Col 1:13-14).

Early on, Marshall’s father’s choice to go silent and not use his tongue to speak life to Marshall, contributes to Marshall’s emotional pain. In other words, the light and good that isn’t said that should have been can be just as hurtful and destructive because it allows darkness to hold that space instead. We see this as well, at the beginning of the story with Marshall, where those people who could have chosen to befriend him earlier on instead do so only after certain other things happen. They allowed darkness to hold that space.

The few of Marshall’s peers who choose to eventually befriend him and say encouraging things to him do start to make a difference in his life, not just in how Marshall responds to and feels about himself but also in how lots of others of Marshall’s peers choose to interact with him. A person’s words can influence other people to walk in their footsteps whether that’s bringing light or bringing darkness. Both happen within this story. 

Despite everything Marshall has been through, though, when it comes to the way he interacts with others, he is generally kind, compassionate, funny, and encouraging. He tends to listen to other people’s struggles and mostly gives good advice about how they can deal with their issues. In fact, even when talking to or about the person who bullied him, he tends to have more compassion than others normally would in the same situation. He shows an element of words in Proverbs.

“… The tongue of the wise uses knowledge rightly…” ~Proverbs 15:1

What Marshall does not have, however, is the same level of compassion toward himself. For instance, he calls and labels himself many of the same nasty things people have called him. He also answers to the nickname Butter, which was given to him by a person who physically assaulted him. And it’s worse than that, he actually introduces himself as Butter to new people. He’s so thoroughly accepted the words, that he’s made them his own.

Have you ever done this? I know I have. And I know Lizzy did. What we say to others is very important, but it is also equally important what we say to ourselves.

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” ~John 13:34~

We can try to love others well, but if we can’t or won’t let ourselves experience God’s love and speak that to ourselves, then we aren’t going to be able to truthfully and sincerely show His love in us to others.

“…the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy.” ~James 3:17~

Lizzy struggled to accept unconditionally love. Everything in her longed to be loved though, and she had a deep desire to show other people the kind of love that she wanted but felt she didn’t deserve.

The truth of the matter, which Lizzy and I often talked through, is that not a single one of us deserve God’s love, but He loves us anyway. That’s what makes it such an incredible gift. And it’s that gift that we offer to ourselves and to others in our words and our deeds. In ourselves, we will fall short of a true expression of love, but in Christ we have that love to share with others.