As promised here is the continuation of the list of assumptions that I think contribute to the reason why single people are often disregarded in favor of married individuals when it comes to positions in the church.
Assumption #2: Someone who is married and has kids will be more likely to settle long-term in a church and be more committed to the church body.
Truth: Both single people and married people settle for long-term and short-term in places, and married people, particularly those with kids, often because of their commitments to their wife and kids, have less time to be committed to the church than single people.
“He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord. But he who is married cares about the things of the world—how he may please his wife. . . . The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world—how she may please her husband.” ~1Corinthians 7:32-34~
“But the LORD said to me: ‘Do not say, ‘I am a youth,’ For you shall go to all to whom I send you, and whatever I command you, you shall speak.’” ~Jeremiah 1:7~
Challenge: Christians, please realize that a single person often has the flexibility and availability that a married individual does not have and that singles are often eager to be included in what is happening in the church. (And I don’t just mean as babysitters.) What I mean is, a single person may actually have far more time to commit to studying for and teaching that Adult Bible Study Class, than the other individual, who is a spouse and a parent, who may not have two quiet evenings together where they can prepare and compile the materials.
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Assumption #3: Someone who is married, specifically if they have kids, must possess more life-experience and will therefore make a better committee member, leader, teacher, etc.
Truth: People who are married can actually have less life-experience than a single person because the married person has been busy looking after and caring for their family, whereas the single person is often able to go, do, and learn more because they don’t have a spouse and children. Is this always the case that singles have more experiences in life? No! But is this the case more than people realize? Yes.
Challenge: Christians, regardless of whether someone is single or married, take the time to asks what kind of experience they do have in different areas. Don’t just assume that the stay-at-home mother knows only about childrearing and couldn’t run a soundboard, that the trucker dad couldn’t be well-versed in theology as well as long-distance hauling, or that the single adult who currently works at a coffee shop couldn’t possibly be versed in parenting techniques and child psychology along with knowing how to make cappuccinos and lattes.
“And Saul said to David, ‘You are not able to go against this Philistine to fight with him; for you are a youth, and he a man of war from his youth.’ But David said to Saul, ‘Your servant used to keep his father’s sheep, and when a lion or a bear came and took a lamb out of the flock, I went out after it and struck it, and delivered the lamb from its mouth; and when it arose against me, I caught it by its beard, and struck and killed it. Your servant has killed both lion and bear; and this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, seeing he has defied the armies of the living God.’” ~1Samuel 17:33~
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Assumption #4: Someone who is married and has kids needs more support and community than someone who is single, because the married people with kids are dealing with more in life.
Truth: The married people have each other and their kids and actually often have more support from people inside and outside the church than many singles who may be completely on their own and just as overwhelmed and stressed out by life.
“For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith. For as we have many members in one body, but all the members do not have the same function, so we, being many, are one body in Christ, and individually members of one another. . . . Be of the same mind toward one another. . . . .” ~Romans 12:3-16~
“Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith.” ~Galatians 6:10~
Challenge: Christians, equally make an effort to provide community, connection, and positions of service to everyone in the church.
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Assumption #5: Single people only want and are only capable of interacting with and ministering to younger people or other single people.
Truth: Lots of singles love interacting with and ministering to all ages. Singles are also just as capable of teaching parents as parents are at teaching themselves or each other. (Because parents are just single people, who became parents)(And may I also point out that many parents are still single people. And many married people are not parents, and many parents are not married.) We each have knowledge and services we can give and areas where we need knowledge and service given to us.
“I have written to you, fathers, because you have known Him who is from the beginning. I have written to you, young men, because you are strong, and the word of God abides in you . . . ” ~1 John 2:14~
Challenge: Christians, please stop acting like marital status or parental status somehow make us different people or more capable of interacting with each other or encouraging each other. The church was meant to be a body. Not two bodies—the married and the unmarried, but one body—The Church.
“ . . . we, being many, are one body in Christ, and individually members of one another.” ~Romans 12:5~
When the rocks speak 